is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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