I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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