The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
