Please, let me fuck your mom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
NoShamevember. You game?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize