Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
