I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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