You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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