They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
