tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
