so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't think brook has ever known best
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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