...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
