is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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