i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
