that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
