Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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