sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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