paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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