i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
