I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
