So drunk its hurt
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
