I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
