i just wanna soil my oats bro
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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