My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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