i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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