My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
