Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
