if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
