my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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