hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
