He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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