You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone signed my nipple.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
