Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
