Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
