just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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