i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
