my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
