C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
