1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
