I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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