im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
