im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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