I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
