it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sober January is a disaster.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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