you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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