I have demons in me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
