How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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