You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
