Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
