I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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