dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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