I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
