Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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