Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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