Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
