Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
