Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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