Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
