I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
