I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
where am i from again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
