well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize