I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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