Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
