Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
