I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
