wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
