Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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