Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
