ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize