He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
