you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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