Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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