oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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