Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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