Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize