I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
